Up in the Air.

I survived.

R and I headed to my parents last week. I was panicked, it was raining, nothing was seeming to go right. R was awful on the plane. Screaming, screeching, crying, wouldn’t sit still. We got to our destination, and I could breathe again. We had a wonderful visit. Even the plane ride back wasn’t as bad. R napped and didn’t scream.

I got to do actual thinking while I was there. I’ve decided to finish the course I’m currently in, and get a part-time job. R can go to daycare 3 days a week. He’ll see other kids, it’ll be good for him. For both of us.

It’s hard to admit. I’m not cut out for this stay at home mom business. I feel guilty and awful about it. I know, logically, that doing this will make me not so frazzled, I’ll appreciate my time with R more, and he will be okay. That doesn’t make it any easier.

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2 responses

  1. I think I was meant to read your blog today… Your thoughts were mine exactly before I returned to work. In fact, if I’m truly honest with myself, they were my thoughts probably only 3 months after giving birth to my LM. I wrote a post about returning to work and how I felt about it… Maybe it will help you with your guilty feelings? I had them initially, though now I’ve realised that returning to work has not only improved my relationship with the LM, it has improved life in general. Big hugs to you!

    http://awriterelief.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/postnatal-depression-my-steps-to-healing-how-can-i-return-to-work/

  2. please don’t feel guilty, we’re not all cut out to be stay at home moms, myself included. a part time job will do you good, and think of the socialization skills your little one will gain at daycare. there is a huge difference between my daughter and kids who aren’t in daycare (at leas the ones that i know). she has more independence and is not afraid to walk up to a kid she doesn’t know, grab his/her hand and say “let’s go play.” i’m not sure how old your little one is, but traveling used to be a nightmare for me, we’ve taken at least six plane rides since she was born, and the last one we did (in july) was much better than the previous ones (she’s 2 1/2 now).

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