I was thinking about how I felt while I was pregnant.

I never let myself get excited about it. I was afraid that the second I did, something bad would happen. I had recurring dreams about R dying before I gave birth.

I have no idea why I felt this way. I had a high risk pregnancy because of my issues, not his. In fact, I was practically complication free. He was delivered early because of the placenta not functioning as it should, but that was it. He was healthy and thriving the whole time.

Yet, I was still terrified. I hope I didn’t pass this on to R.

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