Sob.

I feel awful today.

Since DST, I hate getting out of bed in the morning. Not that I liked it anyway, but whatever. I have to make myself run errands. Suffice to say, my house is messy.

My parents were supposed to visit next month. Now they might have to push it to May. I know, not bad, but I’m crushed. I wanted them here. I wanted them to see R, and I wanted a hug. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been hugged. R sort of hugs me, but it usually involves smashing his head into my face. I just want to go home. I’m so past my breaking point.

So, I’m sitting here, crying. Because that solves everything. I may or may not eat a thin mint dipped in Nutella. That won’t hurt. Ooo, maybe bacon could be involved somehow.

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Win.

I looked back at my New Year’s resolutions, and so far I’m sticking to them pretty well. I’m eating better, consistently working out, enjoying R. Another one that I didn’t put down was be kinder. I actually have been. Last year when we visited my parents, the car in front of us paid for our breakfast. I was so touched, and I’ve been paying it forward as often as I can. I went to Starbuck’s on Valentine’s Day and paid for the car behind me. I try to do this every time I go. I don’t go often, and I hope it brightens someone’s day. I’ve also been donating more to people who need it. Like R’s old baby clothes. I’ve given a little money to organizations, too. I know this sounds like I’m tooting my own horn, but I’m really not. Last year, I wouldn’t have given a damn, most likely. I can be horribly self-centered. But I’m trying.

Things aren’t so bad. I need to get my house organized, which is daunting. It’s a cluttered mess and I hate it. The deadline I”ve given myself is April though, when my parents are due to visit. R said Mama yesterday. He is currently rolling around on his mat, talking to his toy bird.