I’m Here, but Not Really.

I’m so out of it these days. I feel like I”m just going through the motions. I make myself get out of bed. I make myself clean, run errands.

The bright spot of my days, is R. He’s getting so big. I lie on the couch, with him sitting on my stomach, and we play. We talk, I make faces, he giggles. I love it. He’s successfully transitioned to his pack and play to sleep, and moves all over all the time. When I get up in the morning, his feet are usually in the air, he’s babbling, trying to grab them. He’s always so happy to see me, no matter what. The amount that I love him makes my heart ache. I remember a time when I felt so disconnected from him, and this feels wonderful.

I’ve been debating moving back home. My husband is never home, I need a better support system. If I moved home, I could finish school sooner, I’d have help. But, I’d have to move. I hate moving. I don’t know. I’m still thinking about it. I haven’t broached the subject with my husband at all, because I just don’t know yet. When I do, we’ll talk.

I’m ready for the New Year. This past one was rough.

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