I’m still amazed at the extent that those 4 words help me. Over the weekend, a few people told me that, and it gave me the strength to get through the day.
I am not alone. I’m not the only one who has felt the way I feel now. Others have, they’ve gotten through it, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I think of the end sentences of Brooke Shield’s book often, when she’s singing Itsy Bitsy Spider with her daughter. ‘Out came the sun and dried up all the rain, and the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again.’ I just think that the rain can’t last forever, and I need to just fight through it. That the sun will shine once again, and I’ll be happy.
Since all this began, I do feel a little better. Those horrible thoughts don’t plague me as often as they did. It’s a little easier to get out of bed in the morning. I feel more connected to R, some of the time at least. I don’t feel as frustrated as quickly as I used to. I still have very dark days, but I don’t feel as hopeless as I used to.
I still think that I will do better on another antidepressant. I hope I don’t have to be on one forever, but for now I need one that makes me feel better. As for talking to someone, I still don’t know. The psychiatrist I saw wanted to see if medication could alleviate my depression. If not, he suggested therapy. I suppose I will just wait and see.