Tired.

I haven’t posted in a few days. I had a stomach bug, R is teething, and I just slept a lot when I could.

I canceled my appointment on Friday. It’s tomorrow morning instead. I”m nervous, but it will be all right.

I’ve had such dark thoughts this past week. Horrible ones that I can’t shake. On a particularly bad day, I got this email from Daily Hope:

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles … by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.  ~ Mark Twain

It’s so easy to be consumed by the darkness in your mind right now.  The intrusive thoughts, the fears the worries.  All the ways you beat yourself up.  I found I was literally cussing at my own brain to leave me the hell alone.  It’s exhausting to be focused so much on negative things (and I know you don’t want to be, it’s just how your mind is working right now).  So how about giving yourself a vacation from those thoughts, whenever you can, even if it’s brief?  Envision packing them off for a while, sending them away while you do whatever you can — exercise, being with others, going out in nature, listening to music you love or watching a show that makes you laugh — that will give you a break from all of that ruminating.

— Katherine

Those words helped me so much, right when I needed it. I’m so grateful for others out there who know what I’m feeling.

You can get Daily Hope from http://postpartumprogress.org

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One response

  1. The dark thoughts can feel so real, but remember they are not. They are not you, or how you really think. They are intrusive, and you’re working on getting rid of them. Just remember: they do not speak for the real you.

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