I haven’t posted in a few days. I had a stomach bug, R is teething, and I just slept a lot when I could.
I canceled my appointment on Friday. It’s tomorrow morning instead. I”m nervous, but it will be all right.
I’ve had such dark thoughts this past week. Horrible ones that I can’t shake. On a particularly bad day, I got this email from Daily Hope:
“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles … by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. ~ Mark Twain
It’s so easy to be consumed by the darkness in your mind right now. The intrusive thoughts, the fears the worries. All the ways you beat yourself up. I found I was literally cussing at my own brain to leave me the hell alone. It’s exhausting to be focused so much on negative things (and I know you don’t want to be, it’s just how your mind is working right now). So how about giving yourself a vacation from those thoughts, whenever you can, even if it’s brief? Envision packing them off for a while, sending them away while you do whatever you can — exercise, being with others, going out in nature, listening to music you love or watching a show that makes you laugh — that will give you a break from all of that ruminating.
Those words helped me so much, right when I needed it. I’m so grateful for others out there who know what I’m feeling.
You can get Daily Hope from http://postpartumprogress.org