Guilty.

I have guilt about so many things.

One is when my mom showed me her new lemon zester. She was happy about it, and kept the plastic thing on it. I said something about the plastic part on my new potato peeler, and how I took it off. She giggled a little and said she should probably take it off then. I quickly told her I probably should’ve kept the plastic on the peeler, because it was so sharp, so she wasn’t silly for keeping it on the zester. I even feel bad typing out the story, and this happened a few years ago. I wasn’t trying to be mean, or make fun of her. I don’t think she even took it that way. But, I still feel bad about it.

Today, my husband asked me about taking out some money for a work thing. We’re on a pretty tight budget, we have savings, but rarely dip into it, I want the money to be there when we truly need it. Anyway, he’d already taken out a good amount for another work thing, so I told him no. I mean, we would have been fine if he’d taken out the money, but it’s already tight, and I didn’t want to have to have even less, especially when he already took extra money out. He did the heavy sigh and ‘okay’ thing. So, of course now I feel bad. I shouldn’t, but I do.

I feel guilty about the house not always being spotless, having leftovers instead of cooking dinner, the baby not always being happy, not having more money, not being thinner, not being finished with school, not being more social, not having a job. That’s the short list.

I’ve always had guilt about everything, it seems like. When I was younger, my mom used to tell me it was because I was just more sensitive than other people. I really hate it.

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One response

  1. I have guilt about some things still, but I have learned recently to just let it go. I’m like you, and incredibly sensitive to other people. Guilt will eat you alive, so you just have to push it out, and let it go.

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