3 Months!

My baby is 3 months old today. Where does the time go? He had to get 2 shots this morning. I spent the better part of this week stressing about it. The shot he got at 2 months was awful. His whole body tensed up and he screamed. Today, not bad. He cried during and after, but was laughing 5 minutes later. It’s because my husband was able to come with, and is so calm and good with him. I stress so easily, and I’m sure R can feel it. I look back at the first 2 months, and I don’t know how I got through. I guess I did because I didn’t have a choice. I have no idea how single parents do it. They deserve a giant medal.

I have a theory that my symptoms got worse after my husband got home because of how easily he slipped into fatherhood. It’s wonderful, and I’m glad he adjusted so well. The dark part of me is jealous and resentful. Everything came and continues to come so easy for him. He’s such a great dad, and he makes it look so effortless. I break into cold sweats when R cries in the store, he smiles and coos at him. R screams because his stomach is upset, I have to take deep breaths and calm down before I pick him up, he immediately picks him up and soothes him. I shouldn’t be upset about this, and I’m not really, about how my husband is with R, I just wish I could be that way.

I started taking Pristiq, hopefully that helps. I can’t decide on what therapist to call, and I know I’m just procrastinating. I wrote on the calendar to call on Monday, on whomever I decide. Why does everything have to be so hard?

I need to be more positive. I’ve been so negative all week.

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2 responses

  1. I was the same way, and sometimes still am. Husband always looked so at ease and comfortable with everything baby related, and I always felt tense, nervous, and unsure. I don’t know if he really was so comfortable, or if my PPD brain made it seem that way. You just have to let it go, and focus on doing the best you can. Don’t worry about everyone else, and how good or bad they are. It will just drive you insane.

  2. I felt and often feel the same way too. My daughter lights up when he comes into the room which is brilliant really but sometimes it seems to just highlight how hard I had to work for our bond. You are most certainly not alone. Best wishes for your weekend.

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