Pink Nail Polish Makes Me Happy.

It really does. I finally stopped chewing on my nails a few weeks ago, and they’re long again. I painted them OPI’s Strawberry Margarita.

I did okay yesterday and last night. I didn’t feel overwhelmed or frustrated. I told my husband about my PPD, and it went okay. I am horrible at asking for help, or doing anything that makes me feel vulnerable, he knows this. He told me he could tell something was wrong, he just didn’t know what to say. He Googled it while I was pregnant and he was deployed, just in case, so that’s something. Depression runs in my family.

Today started out pretty bad, but I feel better now. I had to go to Target to get my anti-depressant medication, my OB wrote me a prescription for Pristiq. I got up early, showered, fed and dressed R, and went. He started screaming about 5 minutes after we were at the store. He has a love hate relationship with his car seat, and today he hated it. I ran around Target and got what I needed, luckily my prescription was ready in 15 minutes, and I ran out of there. Of course he fell asleep on the way home, and was so happy once we got home. Someone told me the more I try to control the baby, his schedule, etc., the more stressed I’d be. They were right. I’m a control freak, and this not having control is really hard at times. My husband came home for lunch, listened to me vent and hugged me, that helped.

I’ve been reading Brooke Shield’s book. It was one of the things that really made me get help. I can relate to so many of her symptoms. There’s a part in the book where she talks about shower being her escape, and taking longer and longer ones to avoid the baby. I’ve been doing this since R was born, especially since my husband got home.

R has shots tomorrow. My husband may or may not be able to go with us, he’s finding out today. It just depends what is going on at his job. I can go by myself, I am just dreading it. Shots are terrible.

I’m looking up the few therapists my OB recommended, and am trying to decide on one so I can call tomorrow. I have to figure out child care, but that shouldn’t be too difficult. I just want to start feeling better. This roller coaster isn’t fun.

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